So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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