I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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