I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize