Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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