It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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