the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
