I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
