I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
