GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
