If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will pee on everything he values.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
