Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
