I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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