with your own penis?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
