1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
