i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
