Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
