I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
