I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
