Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So squirting runs in the family.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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