the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
