Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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