So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
