I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
