I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
