Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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