First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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