My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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