This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
