I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize