I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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