I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
