Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
