Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
