you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
