I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't deserve a penis
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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