I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
