My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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