Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Randomize
