theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
