I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
