Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
