thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I smell stomach acid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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