i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just pee around me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
