Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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