So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
