Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is classic penis vs brain.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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