What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Holy shit dude........stairs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
