This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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