hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
