i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
