He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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