OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
