You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
