hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
