been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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