Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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