South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
