when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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