just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
