If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
