last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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