i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
