you would pick up someone in the library
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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