how can u be prego again
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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