Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
