This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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