You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
