You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
