Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
