dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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